"Due to the nature of his personality, this man is rarely seen as a predator."
In 'Nice Guys' do Rape Part 2, Steve Thompson took us through the first 3 steps of the Sexual Assault Sequence:
1. Target Selection
2. Approach and Evaluate
3. Separation Today, we will be exploring the second half of the Sexual Assault Sequence, as found in the results of the interviews with familiar sex offenders and their targets from 1983 to present.
Step Four: CONSENTING OR PRESSURED SEX
This fourth step in the sequence involves the predator's attempt to have sex with the woman. Once the 'Nice Guy' has gotten to a place where they are alone (as seen in Step 3, Separation), he will continue to be nice; however, he will become sexually aggressive. If the woman is of legal age, not physically helpless due to alcohol or drugs and she consents, no crime has been committed. The sex between them will generally be mutually gratifying though he tends to be self-centered. When they are finished he will maintain his "nice" personality. He will see that she gets home, and will generally tell her that he will call her. He rarely does. If she does not initially consent, he will try again. If he cannot get her to readily consent to what he wants, he will attempt to pressure her into gratifying him in some way. Statements such as: "you know you want to," 'you owe me," '"you teased me," “you got me so turned on we have to do something," are very common.
"His goal is to make her feel responsible for him being sexually excited."
If he succeeds, this is consent. It is not right, but it is also not against the law. If she initially consents, or allows him to make her feel guilty so that he can pressure her into sexually gratifying him, the sequence ends. If she does not consent the man moves into the fifth phase of the assault sequence.
Step Five: INTIMIDATION
The goal of the intimidation phase of the assault sequence is simple. Through words and/or physical means, he will convey to his victim that there is no way she is going to leave until she does what he wants. When they are able, victims may resist at first because they cannot believe he would do this. If his target struggles he will increase his aggression or simply ignore her. He makes her feel helpless through the use of physical force. He is different now. He is no longer the 'Nice Guy' who is flattering and attentive. He has now become a predator who is focused only on his own gratification. He has the power, the control and the will to do whatever it takes to get what he wants.
Step Six: SEXUAL VIOLATION
Once he has successfully intimidated the woman so that she will submit to his demands, he is ready to take from her what he wants. He is aggressive and self-centered. Depending on the location and the amount of time he has, he could be very quick with his sexual violation, or very creative and slow. If the aggression escalates so does the tendency to engage in sexually degrading acts.
Step Seven: TERMINATION
After the predator has sexually violated the woman to the point where he no longer wants her, he will either leave or get her home. He may act as if nothing is wrong. He could revert to his "nice guy" image and talk with her, even saying to her that he had a nice time and would call her again. Others, however, will terminate by taking measures designed to keep her from telling anyone. He will attempt to make her feel responsible for what has happened through blaming her, due to her behavior, dress, reputation, etc. Some will threaten physical retaliation if she talks. Others will threaten to tell everyone she is a "slut," someone who "wanted it."
He is very convincing in his Termination technique. Frequently the woman is confused and disoriented due to alcohol/drugs or shock. She cannot believe what has happened. Guilt, denial, and societal beliefs make it very difficult for her to hold him ultimately responsible. Also, due to ignorance and a myth based belief system people close to her often do not believe her or minimize what has happened to her. Because of this combination it is extremely rare for her to report the assault.
CONCLUSION
Results of the interviews with familiar sex offenders and their targets from 1983 to present indicates that the majority of 'Nice Guy' offenders plan their conquest. It is not found to be an impulsive act resulting from miscommunication. Offenders consistently engage in a seven-step progression of behaviors designed to end with the sexual conquest of their target. Though offenders have frequently consumed alcohol, their consumption is not excessive due to the fact that they need to be in control of themselves in order to gain control over their targets. The majority of the time they used alcohol or drugs as tools to assist them in gaining control over their targets.
The 'Nice Guy' profile and the Sexual Assault Sequence of the familiar assailant can be used in many ways. It can help the sexual assault survivors understand that it was not their fault; that they were set up by someone who was cunning and knew what they were doing. It can be used to educate law enforcement officers and medical personnel so that they may be more effective in dealing with this type of assault. It can assist prosecutors in educating juries as to the process of familiar assault resulting in more convictions. Finally, this information may help our society evolve to a point where survivors of date/acquaintance assault are afforded the same support as survivors of all other crime.
Because we believe that this subject is so extremely important, this blog is Part 3 of 3 in our "Nice Guys" Rape series. We encourage you to go back and read Part 1, and Part 2 of the series to better understand this issue.
If you or a loved one has been a victim of sexual assault, speak out. There is a good amount of support these days. You are not alone. Don't let the perpetrator be allowed to move on to his next victim.
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